Often parents discipline through domination and control. They’ll say, “No, no, no you can’t do that. Don’t do that, I’ll send you to the room”.
The kids are trying to work out what’s going on and why they’re being told to stop, or do this, or that. There’s no equal exchange or dialogue, so they don’t understand exactly why or what they’ve done that is so wrong. The kids are like, “Well, I’m just going to do what I want!
When kids have been controlled in these ways they usually rebel when they’ve got the physical stature that allows them to.
Sadly, they’re not learning anything in this scenario except to react negatively to authority.
You’ve got to sit down and have conversations where they can ask questions and get their answers and have their opinions validated, as well as be responded to in a respectful way.
Teach them good decision making practices instead of sending them to their room or putting them in the naughty corner.
When my son misbehaves, I sit down and say, “Okay, do you know why we’re having this conversation?
“Okay, so what did we do? What could we have done better? And what can we do next time?”
And so both you and your kids actually learn something from that process.
I think it’s really important to understand the more we treat our kids, not as adults but as humans – human beings with feelings that need to process what’s going on, and why, the better the relationship for you and them.
If you just dominate and control a child, by the time they’re 14-years-old they don’t trust you, and won’t trust you. Remember, rebellion stemmed from a place well before the act itself.
They’re thinking that, you don’t know anything, Dad. You don’t know anything, Mum, because you haven’t shown an understanding of them or what they need in those moments. There’s been no understanding established between you.
So, as a result, what do they do? They sneak out, they rebel, they f*cking start taking and experimenting with drugs, and boys and girls.
Whereas if you give the child the time and space in those moments, you can work with the child and show them how to make better decisions. Then by the time they get to 14, they don’t have to rebel because there’s nothing to rebel against. People only rebel against resistance.
Don’t create resistance, create conversations. Create understanding.