There’s a thing called, first impressions psychology. The first impression is psychological. The way to deal with that is by reserving judgement.

The best way to stop judging people is to stop judging yourself.

The very thing you’re judging people about in 99.9 per cent of cases is there’s something you see in them that you don’t like about yourself.

And you’ve disowned that part of yourself, so when you see it in other people, you say to yourself, I don’t like that person.

Often this is unconscious because it’s part of yourself you don’t like and you’ve dissociated from it.

I’ve discovered that the best way to accept others is to do a lot of work on yourself.

Look at every part of who you are, especially the dark so you can say to yourself, this is who I am.

That doesn’t mean you, I, or anyone of us, are dark all the time. We have those traits for a reason – because the universe is in balance.

You can’t have light without dark.

You can’t have love without hate.

You can’t have peace without some expression of chaos.

What it comes down to is how we express those things.

There’s always going to be a balance, there’s always going to be love and hate, it’s recognising those parts of ourselves.

If I am going to express things, perhaps I can choose the healthiest ways to express them.

And if we express ourselves in healthy ways, we may still express that darkness, but in most cases we are less judgemental of ourselves and how we express it and how it is received by others.

If you remember this the next time you meet someone for the first time, perhaps you’ll reserve your judgement and have a more balanced view of your new friend, acquaintance or colleague.

When you judge others you only judge yourself.


Kerwin Rae