I’ll tell you why I’ve been so dedicated to find out exactly who I am.
Through my whole younger life I just wanted to be like everybody else because I just felt so weird. I felt so insecure because people kept pointing out that so much of who I was, was either wrong, bad, disabled, different, weird, or even stupid.
And so I just started to latch onto these little adjectives and they became a huge part of my identity.
My talk tract went something like, “Why can’t I be like everyone else? Why can’t I be normal? Why do I have to be so different?”
I’m talking primary school I was crying about this stuff. As this developed I became more hypersensitive but became even better at putting on a front about it all, which turned into enormous levels of anxiety.
I got to the point where I was a chameleon. I could go into any situation and I could mold my personality to get what I needed.
But if you’re a chameleon, you’ll come unstuck sometimes.
You get to a point where you’re forced to ask the question, “Who am I?”
About 15 years ago I was walking down town in Perth and I just happened to wander into this side street, where a lady collapsed right in front of me and died.
Emergency services arrived and I had to help put her into the ambulance, and then they drove off.
There was a plaque on the ground and it read October 1974, which is the month and year I was born. And I was like, “I’ve been here now for 26, 27 years and I don’t even know who I am”.
I made a decision in that moment that I was just going to find out who I was.
But I think the biggest challenge that people have in being themselves is, they don’t know who they are.
For me, it was about peeling the layers back of what I’d been socially conditioned to believe.
I recommend, spend time with yourself. Be by yourself. Ask yourself tough questions, but most importantly, put yourself in situations that help you find out who you are. And I’m not talking about putting yourself in easy situations.
We discover the most about ourselves in times of trials and challenge. And most people avoid trials and challenge, and so they never get to meet who they really are. Most people protect their children from trials and challenge and as a result they evolve into these insecure adults who have never learned how to deal with pressure or stress. I think what we should be promoting is individuality.
My journey has been decades of self discovery, of asking myself, “Who am I?”
Not, “Who do I want to be? But, “Who actually am I? “Who is Kerwin?”
It’s taken me a long time to get to a point where I actually really like me.
And I think you’ll really like you too, but you need to find out who you are and that means experiencing a bit of pain in healthy ways. You know, go put yourself into discomfort and see who it is that responds because that is who you really are.
Be yourself – I highly recommend it!
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