You’ve got to get very clear on your mission.
What is it that you want to achieve in the next five to ten years?
I had a conversation with a 35 year-old man who found it difficult to forecast ahead ten years. Very difficult. He couldn’t get his head around it.
He said he was single and the longest relationship he’d had was 10 months, and had just ended. He understood that he had commitment issues.
Our conversation was happening during an event forum… so I asked him, ‘Do you want to go there?’
And he said, ‘Sure, I’ve paid my fee.’
Brave man. And this is how it went down.
You’ll always find what you are looking for
He shared that at age 15 his parents got divorced after a ‘sh*t’ marriage – his words – and that he’d thought it didn’t have much of an effect on him.
His conclusion a few years later was that he didn’t want to get into a relationship that would fail. His habit in relationships became, he would look for what would kill it, and he found it every time.
We agreed. It’s amazing when you look, you always find what you’re looking for.
He felt that he was flawed. I explained to him that this wasn’t a flaw it’s part of the human condition.
It’s a basic part of our operating system and it’s in the instructions that we were never given…
In our formative years we can come to conclusions, we can come to assumptions about our experiences that may not serve us well long term, as we progress in life.
In this moment I asked him. ‘Can you see the connection here between your inability to commit to a relationship and your inability to find and commit to what you love?’
And he said, ‘No. I never considered that they were connected before but I’m considering it right now.’
So I asked, ‘If you were to find the right woman in your life, what would that mean?’
His response was amazing, ‘It would mean, simply put… it would free up a lot of my energy…it means that box is ticked.
That energy that is wasted on thinking, thinking about meeting the right woman. I’m thinking about that more than anyone would care to admit.’
He was feeling self conscious now. I reassured him at this point that this was a quality conversation and it was time for me to share…
One of the greatest lessons for life…I learned in business
One of the greatest challenges I had to scale a business was when I realised I had an inability to fully commit to a business.
I realized that this came from an inability to commit to a woman. I realised that came from when my parents divorced. My assumption was that if I get into a relationship I’m just going to get hurt,so I may as well just not get into a relationship in the first place because that’d just be easier.
As a result, what I found myself constantly doing, was starting and getting involved in businesses that were so far off purpose they all gave me a great reason to exit, because I was never really in it in the first place.
Business has taught me so much about the importance of commitment.
I am so grateful for being in business because what business has taught me and
I know this is going to sound radically f***ing weird, but business actually taught me unconditional love. Business actually taught me unconditional commitment.
Here’s what I’ve learned about people and commitment.
People only want to commit to things that feel good. And the moment they start feeling bad for extended periods of time, they say, ‘You know what, I’m committed but I’m out. I don’t want to do this anymore.
In order for us to truly get the benefit of business, in order for us to truly be able to reap the rewards we must learn this concept of what commitment really means.
And every now and then, you may have to do things that you don’t want to do.
After I had my stroke, I came back and I thought…
If I’m going to invest myself into something I need to do what I love. I literally sat down and thought, ‘What do I love to do?’
At the top of the list was…
I love to teach.
When I made that decision I just knew. I knew in my heart that, that was what I was supposed to do. That was why I am here.
You know when you know.
As soon as I committed, the most amazing and magical things happened.
At this point in our open forum conversation I went back to Mr Newly single 35, and asked, ‘Does this make sense? Has this been a helpful conversation?’
He said, ‘Yeah…absolutely. Thanks for your time.’
You’ll always find what you look for.
Commit to the things that you are after, the people, the businesses, the activities.
Commitment is the key to getting everything you want.