When a child is born a biochemically healthy woman will release an enormous amount of oxytocin into her bloodstream.
That oxytocin is also known as the love drug and it will force any biochemically healthy woman to nurture her child.
Now when you watch the National Geographic Channel and the zebra is born in the wild, what is the first thing that baby is looking for? It’s looking for physical touch.
Now, if the mother abandons the little baby zebra, what happens to stripey? Stripey doesn’t survive.
So, mammals by nature produce hormones that ensure nurturing takes place at the critical part of our life where it’s required to ensure our survival. When a child is born it requires physical touch and stimulation in order to activate the lymphatic system which is the foundation for immunity.
Failure to thrive is a condition where their immune system doesn’t get activated because they don’t receive enough physical touch.
Now, by the way, there was one of the World Wars, where an occupying force went into different territories and they would literally confiscate all the babies. They put them in baby farms and had a nurse who would go around every three or four hours putting a bottle of milk in the baby’s mouth. Do you know what happened? All the babies died.
When we’re born, at a deep psychological level we’re creating physical touch which is also known at a social level as acceptance, so when we’re born we crave physical touch and acceptance because we know if we don’t get it, we will die but unfortunately this wiring doesn’t go away.
This wiring stays with us through our entire life and it’s deeply unconscious and so we as humans are driven by acceptance. I just want to be somewhere where I belong. I just want to be accepted for who I am.
So, as we grow as humans, we start to create our own herds. So, right now, you need to look at who your social herd are and who your business herd are.
Most entrepreneurs are not surrounded by other entrepreneurs. Say for example, it’s Friday night, okay, and all your friends are at the pub. You’re the only entrepreneur. It’s 7:45pm and you’re banging away and you’re putting things into place. Working hard on your business.
They’ll see that as a socially unacceptable behaviour because you’re supposed to be part of the herd, you should be out grazing with us. So they’ll say “Ah don’t worry about that, do it on Monday. God, don’t worry, you’ll be fine. Do it on Monday”.
By the way, that is what’s called corrective behaviour. When an individual in a herd starts demonstrating behaviours that is different from the rest of the herd, the herd will naturally come in and start doing what’s called corrections. Your social set will correct your behaviours because they see that behaviour as threatening, because you’re acting different to the rest of the herd.
Your psychology will not withstand a strong social heard that is working against you, it won’t. You will adapt to your environment.
So here’s what I know. I’ve had to consciously choose who I spend time with. I think often people put way too much value on our bloodlines than we do on our mental health.
Does that mean you divorce your family? No. But sometimes you need to spend less time with them so you can develop yourself at a level where psychology becomes strong enough so that when you do have small bursts of time with them, you actually can be more influential and I know how scary that is, I know how tough it is.
I became aware that my friends were just acidic and I had to get out and sometimes that’s what it takes and by the way, I say a shitty social herd. They could be the nicest, sweetest, loveliest people but they just say these little suggestions, they make these little remarks, those little throw away lines that just get under there and they erode and they niggle and they sabotage what it is you’re trying to do.
So, what do you need to do?
You need to put yourself in a business herd because a good business herd does the opposite of a bad social herd.
They correct the behaviours that you shouldn’t be doing.
If there was one thing that was disproportionately most potent in creating real transformation in your behaviour as a human being, it’s being conscious about who you spend your time with.
Out of everything, it is a number one predictor of success.
There is an old saying that if you take the incomes of the five people that you spend the most time with and you add them up and divide them by five you’ll have your number.