Surrendering isn’t about giving up, it’s about letting go

The best way to deal with attachment is to let go. Breath and let it go.

Surrendering for me isn’t about giving up, it’s about letting go – and letting go is about looking at the emotional attachment that you have connected to an outcome.

If you’re attached to something and it doesn’t happen, how are you going to feel?

For me, it’s important to remain neutral in these situations. Because I can be attached to something and if it doesn’t happen, I can get upset, or angry or sad, OR I can remain neutral and calmly deal with the situation at hand.  

The only difference in those two scenarios is the emotional investment between the different outcomes.

Now don’t get me wrong, I have healthy levels of attachment to a lot of things, everything from a team member to my family and friends.

But the reality is people come and go, things come and go, and desired experiences come and go.

And if you’re in the game of business, you better get used to it because coming and going is what it’s all about.

Going back 15 years, I still remember when someone would leave the team and I used to get really upset. Now, when someone leaves I shake their hand and smile and wish them luck – and I literally feel nothing, I mean that. And the reason why I feel nothing is because I’m no longer emotionally invested in the things that are around me.

I love many of the things around me but I also understand that life is short and people and things are fleeting – they come and they go. People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.

And whether it be that you’re attached to a person or you’re attached to an outcome, you’ve got to look at the emotional investment behind that, and really analyse what it means?

What does this relationship mean if it ended?

Once we look at that, it gives us the ability to be able to remove whatever that emotional attachment is.

Because if we’re looking at emotional attachment for what it really is, it’s nothing more than a delusion.

When it comes to emotion, it’s hard to distinguish what’s real and what isn’t.

Have you ever taken something the wrong way when you’ve been sensitive or upset? It wasn’t that what was said to you was bad,  it was just that you were in the frame of mind that filtered the information in a way that meant something that it didn’t, and you took it the wrong way because you were intoxicated by emotions – deluded.

Emotions are the hooks behind the attachment that we put on things, because when the things we’re attached to get taken away, what does that trigger? It triggers emotion.

So it’s really the emotions behind the things we think we want that create the attachment, and once they’re removed there’s actually nothing to be attached to, and when an outcome plays out, you can see the experience for what it is – both sides.

Now, I’m not saying I never get upset. For example if someone does leave, I might say, “That’s a shame,” but I can also say, “I’m glad,” because I can see both sides. And when we allow ourselves to see the bigger picture we’re able to step into a neutral way of thinking.

But first we have to identify where we might have emotional attachments. When we’re aware of these attachments, we can start to work through them and dissolve them just by being conscious of them.

It won’t happen overnight but it will happen. Let it go. Surrender.

Kerwin Rae